remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
