If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
