I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
