nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
