Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
