I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You had me at "let me see your balls"
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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