so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
