the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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