After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He shit in the fireplace
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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