You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
