i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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