Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Randomize
