So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I don't think brook has ever known best
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
