tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
