90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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