Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
