Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Randomize
