Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
