I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
