dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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