I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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