You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
