Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Randomize
