Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
