ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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