dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
