You can't motorboat a personality
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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