she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Randomize
