She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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