i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
