im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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