Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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