After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
