My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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