Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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