A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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