she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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