So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
