I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
