i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
