Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
