i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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