Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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