oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
