We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I got inside last night via doggy door
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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