I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
