just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
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