i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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