Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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