i need an iv and a liver transplant
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
he was CRYING into my vagina
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
