He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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