brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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