this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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