I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
