Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
