he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
