lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
