Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize