Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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