plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize