He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
