I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
