That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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