Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
