I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
