you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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