I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
