I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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