4 words: hood of his car
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Randomize
