i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
