I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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