Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
