Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Can I color on your dick again?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
