I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
