If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
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