I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
